I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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