and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
