What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
