my room smells like sperm. sweet.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
