I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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