I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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