Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
