He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
