Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
