Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
