went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
