so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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