OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
