; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
