it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
