I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
