please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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