wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
