You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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