She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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