Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
