Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
