Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
