The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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