i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
