I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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