which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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