Whod you bang
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize