I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
