last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
