he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
