those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize