I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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