You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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