You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
did you just send me my own nude
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
