I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
