Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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