before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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