Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
