i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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