so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
