Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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