I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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