hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
