Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
