the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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