I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was born a porn star she said
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
