I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
