Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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