forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
