Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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