dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
