someone threw a dead crab at me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
