At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That accounts for only three of the penises
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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