PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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