Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
