We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
