Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
