Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
