and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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