Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize