I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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