he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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