i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
