Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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