saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
