I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
farters have to be the big spoon...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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