I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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