Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
