Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
