Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
