that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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