every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize