i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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