He uses pillows to masturbate.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
