So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i love accidental penises.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
